A Thousand Small Moments: Session 2

The MSU CFT clinic recently started a parenting booster class. In conjunction with that class I will be posting additional material related to the topics discussed for each class. For those who can't join us we hope this will be of some help.

Session 2: Attention and Praise and Family Routines
In this session we discussed ways to show love and change behavior by using positive Attention and Praise as well as by instituting Family Routines.
First, as a result of our continuously busier lives, parents and children rarely spend much quality time with each other. Often the time that is spent with each other is spent where the parents give half-hearted attention to their children, or are giving orders for their children to do something. As with the first session (Child-Centered Play and Emotion Coaching) giving positive attention and praise to your children becomes a great way to reduce negative behaviors displayed by children. When giving attention to your children it is important that you give them your undivided attention so they know that you really care about their concerns and their ideas. Try to provide a ratio of five positive interactions to every negative interaction with your child in order to improve behavior.

Parenting to Your Child

Thought: The more intense the child, the more intense the intervention. Small and subtle changes might work when a child is feeling calm, but when emotions run high (or for children who generally have stronger emotions) something with a little more “umph” is needed.

Try This!
Most interventions can be beefed up. Take some time today to think about some of your parenting strategies and figure out different levels for them. Example: a walking time out – the child is informed that communication is suspended for the next minute; a sitting time out – the child is excluded from communication and activities for 10 minutes; a working time out – the child is excluded from communication and activities, and must complete some kind of assignment (write an apology, memorize a quote, clean, etc.)

Positive Parenting

Thought: Traditional parenting approaches give much more energy to negative behaviors than to positive behaviors, sending the message that:

• Negativity is a quick and easy (think fast-food) way to connect (meet emotional needs)
• Positive behaviors are not very important
• “Pushing buttons” is a way to gain power over parents

Try This! Set aside an hour today to focus on positive behavior.

Comments - Please post comments about your experiences for other parents to learn and grow from.


Posted in behalf of Anne Brown