A Thousand Small Moments: Session 4

In conjunction with the parenting booster classes offered at the Michigan State University, Couple and Family Therapy Clinic additional material for the latest class is below:

Session 4 - Effective Commands and Rewards
This week using effective commands and rewards was discussed as a way to enforce limits. It is important to remember that your family values should be taken into account when giving children commands and using rewards to motivate behavior. Effective commands are commands that are:

• Clear - Clear commands explain the expectation as well as the family value that is related to the command. For instance, "We don't yell in our family, I want you to use a calm voice." The parent should remain calm, assertive, and polite when giving the command. 
• Positive - Another characteristic of a good command is that you tell the child exactly what you expect of them. Don't tell them what not to do, rather tell them what to do. Giving positive commands, the child is not left guessing what you are asking them to do. 
• Consistent - Make sure you are consistent with your commands. When you give a command that requires the child to do something, make sure the behavior is completed. Watching your child in order to ensure compliance is a helpful thing. It lets them know you are going to be consistent with all of your other commands or expectations.  

A Thousand Small Moments: Session 3

In conjunction with the parenting booster classes offered at the Michigan State University, Couple and Family Therapy Clinic additional material for the latest class is below:

Session 3: Values and Freedom

This week we discussed the first way to step toward setting limits. As a reminder, we believe that the best way to start setting limits with children is to start expressing love toward our children. To review the first two sessions click here (for emotion coaching and child-directed play) and here (for attention, praise and routines). Once you have established "routines of love" you are able to start setting limits. 

The first step in setting limits is establishing family values. Family values influence the rules that parents set for their children and the expectations they place on their children. Values also influence how parents show and express love toward their children. An important way to discover the values you are currently teaching your children is to do the following exercise in your mind: 

A Martian came from her planet and asked if she could follow you around for a day so that she could understand what was important to you. She said she was not interested in knowing your history, culture, or any justification, she simply wanted to watch. She said that she would make herself invisible as to not get in your way. As you go throughout your day, what observations would the Martian Observer make? What would she say you spent most of your time on (you valued the most)?

A Thousand Small Moments: Session 2

The MSU CFT clinic recently started a parenting booster class. In conjunction with that class I will be posting additional material related to the topics discussed for each class. For those who can't join us we hope this will be of some help.

Session 2: Attention and Praise and Family Routines
In this session we discussed ways to show love and change behavior by using positive Attention and Praise as well as by instituting Family Routines.
First, as a result of our continuously busier lives, parents and children rarely spend much quality time with each other. Often the time that is spent with each other is spent where the parents give half-hearted attention to their children, or are giving orders for their children to do something. As with the first session (Child-Centered Play and Emotion Coaching) giving positive attention and praise to your children becomes a great way to reduce negative behaviors displayed by children. When giving attention to your children it is important that you give them your undivided attention so they know that you really care about their concerns and their ideas. Try to provide a ratio of five positive interactions to every negative interaction with your child in order to improve behavior.