February: The Month of Love

Just a few days after Christmas I noticed that The Valentines Day decorations went up quickly in almost every store I shopped in. Naturally when I think of Valentines Day I think of February. When I think of February I think pink (probably all of the elementary school conditioning). And when I think of pink I think love. Today I would like to talk about Parenting Love. In one of the parenting classes I teach, I tell my parents that, "True love between parent and child grows toward separation." Often parents are shocked and somewhat saddened to hear this. I have had people ask me, "You mean if I truly loved my child I would want to be away from them? That doesn't make sense!"

Let me explain what this statement means. First think of your child (I have two little boys, so I will use them as an example). As I think of my four year old boy, all I can think of is how fast he is growing up. It seemed like just yesterday he was an infant relying totally on my (and his mothers) mercy and help for everything. Now it seems that he can dress himself, pick his own clothes, feed himself, get in the car and buckle up by himself. He has even started to write his own name. When we visit the doctor he wants to speak for himself and tell the doctor what is happening, and believe me, if I say something that isn't right, he makes a point to correct me in front of the doctor. He has become very independent. Yet still he can't do some things. He can't cook his own food, fill his own bath water, tie his own shoes, drive to school, go to the store by himself, etc. Someday he will be able to do those things, and me and my wife will be the ones to teach him those things. Someday, he will even be big enough to go to college and live by himself. Even though thinking of that day scares me and makes me sad, I am delighted and can't wait to see my little boy being so grown up. My love for him urges me to teach him how to do those things. My love for him wants me to make sure he will be okay when he is alone. My love for him demands that I let him be his own person. This is what the statement, "True love between parent and child grows toward separation." Even after he is an adult, I will still want to see him. I will still expect for him to visit every once in awhile, but mainly to report to me about his accomplishments, and to give him counsel in hard times. I would be very selfish if I expected or wanted him to rely on me for everything (or almost everything) for the rest of his life.

Think about the statement, do you agree or disagree? Regardless of whether you agree or not, what are you going to do during this Month of Love to show your child that you love them?

For the Month of February, Michael and Anne are combining to bring a weekly update with small parenting thoughts and interventions. Check back at the beginning of each week for the updates from Anne. Also feel free to ask any question you might have about parenting or child behavior. Since this is in a blog format, we will answer in general terms.